Dr. Jeckel / Mr. Hyde

Why is parenting so hard? Why are the highs greater than anything else, and the lows are brutal? I know they are just children, and mostly great children at that; but in those moments of almost losing it and throwing them like I did the cat I really have to breath and understand their motivation for their behavior. Usually it is to get my attention, to feel loved and wanted. The selfless nature of being a parent is the exact opposite of what "the natural man" wants. Oh the genius of our Father in Heaven. There is no other way that I would learn to be selfless. Sure service is a way to get there, but it is easy to mix motivations with doing service. The only way for me to learn this eternal lesson of being selfless is by helping raise two boys (with more to come). I imagine that you understand that this post was sparked by something that happened this morning. Nothing really out of the ordinary, but the topic has been burning in my mind for, oh, two years now; and I'm sure I will visit the topic again. I am grateful for this blog that helps me take time to organize these thoughts, and calm down a ton. And I must also thank my wife for her patient and tender heart while I take a moment.

Big Jump

Direction

I have been thinking about this post for several days now, and I feel that I need to write it before the motivation leaves completely. But I must warn you that it is late and I am tired, so I hope that this makes sense, and my thoughts come across as I want them to.

While I was on my mission I was at lunch with a old hunting buddy, John K., he told me and my companion about a concept that I thought would never apply to me. Well, as you can guess, I am learning and experiencing that concept right now; and I will share it with you.

The above image is of a ball at rest. It has no direction, no power, no motion. This is a difficult position for a person to be in. It takes a lot of effort to remain motionless.

This second image of a ball rolling down the hill, this makes sense, it is a natural and known reaction that we expect. But what keeps the ball rolling? I know that there is a Newton law that would explain it, something like an object in motion will remain in motion until acted upon to stop it, again, something like that. My view, is that the ball continues to "coast" because it is going down hill. It may find some flat spot, and in that case the ball will slow and eventually stop, but as long as the ball in on a declining slope, it will continue to travel on course.

And what happens when a ball is placed on a hill, and expected to go up it? Well, we have learned by experience, and I am sure that Newton is in there somewhere too, that the ball will go up the hill until it has lost all of its momentum, inertia, and power. When that happens, the ball will for a split second stop, and then begin to roll back down to where it came from. Unless the ball is again given additional power, inertia, and momentum, in that case it will continue on its path up the hill.

Now you are asking yourself why would RT be thinking about these simple ideas of physics, and why would a hunting buddy be teaching about them at an all you can eat buffet in St. Louis? Well replace the ball with a person, with yourself. Now, instead of being on a simple hill, imagine that the slope has to do with your personal growth, experience, and direction in relation to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

How often are we in a stationary place? How often do we find ourselves not going any direction, up or down? I would dare say that it happens several times in our lives, I know that it has happened in my life more times than I dare think about. But I am finding that in my life, if I am not moving forward, I am falling back; if I am not going up, I am going down; I am "coasting".

I have been thinking about this topic for several days because I have been noticing that I am not going up. There are several different red flags that have been raised recently that have helped me recognize my direction. But I will admit, that the hardest part about changing my direction is the understanding that I am going to have to put forth the effort to stop, and then to start again going up hill. It is not easy for anyone, especially if one if feeling like they just need to rest from the hard work of going up hill all day every day. But when true reflection is allowed, the number of positive rewards for working daily at going up hill eclipse the tiny reward of going down hill, which is perceived rest.

Now I know that to think that I, or anyone, that must make that transition of down to up and continued up, can and must do it alone, and by one's own power is crazy and a lie. It is impossible. It is hard enough for me to travel forward on a level plane for any significant distance that to imagine that I could go up hill makes me want to not even try, other than for bragging rights (which would be short lived and insignificant). There is a force that continually helps each of us go up hill. A force that is strong enough that no matter how fast we are going down hill, we will be able to stop immediately, and change direction. This force has no limit on its consistent and over whelming power. It has no regard for the persons age, gender, race, political stand point, hair color, how many hairs they have, or if they like vanilla ice cream the most. The only requirement it has is our will, our desire. If we don't want to change direction, it won't force us; if we don't mind and or enjoy going down hill, it can't convince someone that going up is better. We have to want it, even if that is all the power we have is to want it, this force can and will, and does assist us in that very moment.
This power is the atonement of Jesus Christ. There is nothing that compares to, rivals, or even can explain the awesome power, and eternal love of the atonement.
Why have I been thinking about this topic? Because I have experienced it, again, recently.

When I started this post, I was prepared to write only about the illustrations of a ball/person traveling on different planes. But as you have read, more than that came out, and I hope that it made sense, and was well connected.
We all have times that we travel down hill, it is both human, and expected. Also expected is the desire to change direction and head back up hill. It is hard, tiring, painful, and sometimes confusing, but we can continue if we rely on and use the endless loving force of the atonement of Jesus Christ.
I am sorry if this sounds preachy, or warm and fuzzy, but like I said, I needed to write it and see it.

Extra Extra!! Read All about it!

Gabe went poop in the toilet today! Not the potty chair, but the big toilet! He is 2 years, 10 days old! For some that may not be news worthy, but my toddler asked to go poop on the toilet! That is always news worthy!!!


(Images were available but were destroyed en route to the printing press in a fiery car crash, they were the only fatality).



Look forward to a follow-up story from the "Stating the Law Early" story published May 11, 2010.

Good night

Tonight I tucked in my two sons for the first time. It was a different feeling than I had when I was just tucking in Gabe. I felt like a parent. Let me explain:
I have been a father now for two years, Gabe second birthday was just the other day, and I have felt like a father the entire time. But with Gabe, I was hanging out, I was his buddy who told him not to put toys down the air in-take vent. I will still hang out with him, and I will always be his buddy, but with two sons, it feels different. I am going to do the same thing with Isaiah, hang out, play, tell him not to follow his brothers example of throwing his toys when he's tired. I am going to say that now that I have two children; that distinction of two as a whole makes me feel like a parent versus having a child. I have a greater sense of responsibility. Perhaps that is a gift of the Spirit, knowing that I have the stewardship of another of our Father's finest is the weight I feel. Perhaps it is a combination of several different things.
On the same topic, I was talking with my bro-in-law Jay the other day, and I asked him how he handled the transition of one son to two. He said that he was worried that he wouldn't be able to love the second as much as the first. I had similar fears. And like going on a mission, getting married, or eating an amazing steak that is cooked just right, there is no way to really understand the power of having a second son without going through it. When Gabe was born I was happy, I was and still am a proud daddy! But when Isaiah was born and Jennifer said go get Gabe so he can meet his little brother, emotion hit me right in the eyes! I had just watched Isaiah be born, I was closer to him then the midwife who caught him (in physical location). I had an immediate bond and like the Grinch who stole Christmas, my heart grew, my love bank grew! I don't love Gabe any less, I am not having to "share" my love, I have equal parts, whole parts for both of my sons! This is similar to what Jay told me he went through, but until I experienced it, I wasn't prepared for it. I know that my love for Isaiah will grow as we do hang out, and build experiences together, but my foundation of love was a gift, and I thank my Father in Heaven for that.

And lets not forget my beautiful, and inspirational wife! She is amazing! I love her with all my heart! When she asks for a piece, I do all that I can to give her the whole, because I love her, and because I want to show that I love her, and because she deserves it! Jennifer, I know that I tell you all the time that I love you more, but now it is written in stone, and it is open for the world to see! I love you more! I love you more today than I did the day we got married. I love you more today than yesterday! I love you more than I can say. And watching you now with our two sons; you amaze me! My heart grew to love Isaiah, and with that came more love for you! You are an amazing mother! Thank you for saying yes! I would do it again today!

I feel more blessed than I deserve. And the only explanation that I can come up with is that I know that my dad loves me no matter what, and he has sacrificed for me more than I know. But ever greater, my Father in Heaven sacrificed even more, and loves me perfectly! I don't know that I will ever understand God's love, and why He loves me as much as he does, but I will try to love my sons the same, as close to perfect as I can.

Cookie Cutter? Maybe Not, but...

I will give you one guess who is who! I know that I have to put this on here so that I can refer to it in 10 years. Gabe is on the ____ and Isaiah is on the ____. These pictures are of the boys each at less than 3 days old.

Gabe is such a good big brother. Every time that Isaiah starts to cry, Gabe runs across the room to give his little brother a kiss on the head! I am excited to watch these two grow up together! They are going to be more than my two hands can take, but I also know that they are going to be spectacular young men! I am so blessed to have my two sons! What a blessing!

Isaiah was born September 15th, 2010 @ 11:11 AM. at home! Yes, at home and it was on purpose. It was amazing! Jennifer was inspirational, and did an amazing job! He weighed 5lbs. 10 oz. and 19in long. That is small, but still a little bigger than Gabe was. Isaiah is a blessing, and a gift!

(Gabe is on the left, and Isaiah is on the right)

Freaky Awesome!

At times it seems like a flash back. Feeling similar bumps, kicks, hick-ups, and bumb push backs. All this power and motion that began as a tiny speck with no more power than a spark from static electricity gained when walking down the hall with your socks on. Now, with that spark still in full swing, but with mechanical power behind it, that speck has grown into the most diverse, complex, and powerful creation known to man. This little "machine" is no larger than a Costco sized box of Frosted Flacks. It weighs, hopefully less than a ten pound bag of flower. But the possibility it has to drastically alter the universe is expected.
Now when I say flash back, one must expect that this has occurred at least once before. And it has, about two years ago. When the miracle occurred then, the same elements of wonder and awe were as true then as they are now. I have seen the universe before and now after the first, and to say that the universe is drastically altered is a mild understatement. The planets have moved in the past two years. But now with a second wonderment fast approaching, there is little wonder that with the synergy of these two ancient creations: the very molecules of the known world will be altered in ways that astound the greatest minds.
As we count down the final days until arrival of this second powerhouse, we are trying to prepare the universe for its delivery. Although we may get to a point when we feel that we are more than prepared, we will still have in the back of our minds the knowledge that there are some things that we can't prepare for. The number one factor that we will have no control over in preparing is the acceptance of the second to the first. We will continue to try and prepare the first with familiarity, and a growing recognition; but until they are forced to share the same source of comfort, and attention we will not truly be aware of how the two will react with one another. It may take a decade or two for them to appreciate each other.
I will strive to keep you updated as to how the combination works/doesn't work, creates/destroys, divides and conquers. It will be a universal shift that we are prepared for (or far from) to take on with love, patience, faith, wonderment, silence, and power. It is going to be freaky awesome!

Pray always!

Student Grades


Spring Semester 2010
Final
HIST
2800
Utah`s Diverse Heritage(SS,DV)
A
MATH
1050
College Algebra (QL)
B-

Last semester was the hardest semester of my life. I was taking 31 credit hours. I was doing 24 at Westminster, and 7 at SLCC. The SLCC classes were the most important because they were the end of my requirements for my Associates. As you can see I was taking a History class and a Math class. I have never worked so hard, or prayed so much over home work! I will be the first to say that God DOES answer prayers! There is no way that I could have gotten these grades on my own! I will not and cannot not recognize Gods hand in my life!
It amazes me! As profitless, and lazy as I am, our Father in Heaven still blesses me! I don't understand Gods love. I don't know if I ever will! But I am grateful for it, and I will try to be more worthy of it. I know I don't have to be worthy of it, but feeling His love makes me want to be more worthy of it!
I also must thank my beautiful wife! I am who I am today because of her! Thank you sweetheart! You have been patient, and supportive and gently firm when I needed your support the most! Thank you! I love you!
And to my sons, I will work this hard for the rest of my life if you need me to! You are my smile, my "happy" "morning"! Boys, you and your mother are worth working hard for! Not only that, but now the expectations for you to work hard and rely on God for all things is before you! And as far as school, if I can do it - you, who are half your mother - can easily do it too! I love you! I want nothing but happiness for you!
To my parents and siblings - thank you for your support and your friendship. I hope that I am setting a good example for you, because you set wonderful examples for me. Yes even you Jamie, your work ethic and long work day amazes me!
Again I nust thank my God, my Father in Heaven for helping me pass these classes, and getting through every day!

Stating the law early

When Monster GR (Gabe) was asked what he felt about getting a new little brother, and how he thought it will change life at home, he gave a simple and direct answer. "I don't think that it will change life at home to much. I have a cousin that is only a month or so old and all she does is eat sleep and poop. She cries sometimes, but so do I, no big deal. I imagine that is how it is going to be at our house too. But I'll say this, if the new guy tries to take my car, or my Big Truck, I'll punch him!"

After the interview Monster GR pushed his popper lawn mower with such determination that even being bumped by Grammy's dog didn't fase him. We learned later that Gabe had a stern talking to from his father. We weren't able to listen to the whole conversation, but from what we gathered, punching is not allowed in the VanOrden home. Good luck Monster GR, and good luck to the new one on the way.

Laughing

So, we have a jetted tub in the master bathroom, and Gabe is now big enough to take a bath in it. The first time we didn't turn on the jets, but each time after we have. There have been a few funny accidents that have happened so far, and I will let Jennifer detail those for you, but they were really funny!

Anyway, this photo was taken during his last bath. I put in a good amount of bubble bath and turned on the jets. Gabe loves it! Though the difficult part is keeping the suds out of his mouth. He will get a small amount in his mouth, then try to wipe them out with his hand that is covered in more suds! It is great! I hope that this photo makes you smile as much as it makes me smile.

Becoming a greek god

Gabe and I went for a hike today while mama was doing her hair.

I wanted to go some place that would be muddy due to yesterdays snow storm and today's 50° weather. We had to make an emergency stop at Wendy's for chicken nuggets and a frosty for Gabe, and a JBC for me.

We then B lined it to the trail head for Mt. Olympus! It was a great day for a hike. The sun was shining, there was some snow on the ground, and a lot of dry mud. (Dry mud: wet enough to stick to your shoes and hands, but dry enough that Gabe didn't leave any footprints.)

He was just as interested in scaling large rocks on the trail as he was throwing the biggest ones he could pick up. If there was one thing that he like more though, than throwing the rocks, was watching the dogs of various shape and size running up/down the mountain side.

We hiked for about 45 minutes. Then it was time to turn back toward home and dinner! Gabe wasn't a big fan of the idea, but as soon as we started running down the mountain, Gabe speed, and I was making race car sounds, Gabe was all for it! He held tight to me finger as I held tight to his hand as he skimmed across the ground when he feet couldn't keep up with his falling body. It was a blast! He was laughing the entire time!

Well we made it down to the car, Gabe in his car seat, and he let me know that he wasn't done hiking. We made a U-turn back into the parking lot. Got Gabe back out of the car and before I could get my phone out to take another photo he was a ways up the trail from me! Great little boy! I can't wait to go camping with this little guy! It is going to be a blast!

Right now Gabe is running around like the hike didn't happen, because he has that much energy, but I also know that he is going to sleep like a rock because of the hike! Sweet! Gabe, I think we have a Saturday tradition!

Bathroom Humor

So, I knew that it would happen at some point. It is a part of life, and it is something that we should have expected, but this caught us off guard. Gabe, he in now 17 months, and he is able to easily go up and down the stairs, run up and down the halls of the house. He knows how to make himself known, and he is also learning how to be sneaky.

Thursday was a regular morning. Jenn making lunches in the kitchen, I was getting dressed for the day and Gabe was running around playing like usuall. It was a normal morning. Well, that night when, after Gabe had gone to bed, and we were in the bathroom going through the regular routine: brushing teeth, floss, face washing, using the toilet, etc.

Jenn opened the toilet and staired! The look on her face make me think that I had forgotten to do something from earlier, but no. "He threw my sweater in the toilet!" We laughed as we looked at what Gabe had quietly done. Jennifer's sweater was in the closet that morning, Jenn remembered it there, but Gabe had quietly picked it up, carried it up two stairs into the master bathroom, opened the toilet lid, threw the sweater in the toilet, and then flushed the toilet!!!

It really was funny to come home to a sweater in the toilet. Don't worry we took the toilet paper roll of the spindle as soon as he could walk because he quickly found that it is fun to unroll the whole thing. I could only imagine the toilet sucking down a whole roll of toilet paper.

Gabe! you are amazing! But I am going to tighten your leash, and keep both bathroom doors closed!

King of the Mountain!

Gabe is getting taller, faster, braver, and stronger. He hasn't gained much weight, but I am going to say that is because the little boy never stops moving! He is always on the move!
Recently he got brave enough to stand on the glider automan (footstool). That was great and all, but it doesn't beat climbing into the glider from the footstool!
Using his new found cordination, strength and bravery, he quickly maneuvers into the chair.












He then sits with a big smile on his face because he is sitting in the big chair, the same as mama and dada. This moment of accomplishment doesn't last long. From this high vantage point he has a better view of all this toys. As soon as he sees his next goal, he is down from the chair faster than getting up. He races across the room grabs the toy, throws it, and heads back to the chair.














Gage, you are a wild man! I am lucky to have you as my son. I look at you with wonder and awe. How can I, me, RT II, how did I get the fortune, responsibility, blessing, trial, and gift of guiding you as you grow? You are my biggest smiles. You are my early mornings. You are my new adventures. You are my fears, my hopes, my expectations. Little boy, I thank God for you and your mother every day! I pray daily that I can be a better father for you. Thank you for your smiles. For waking up early. For your daily adventures. For running to me when your afraid, running to show me your "favorite" toy, or really, the one that you saw first. Thank you for being my little boy!