Friday, September 30, 2011

Humbled

Today is my last day as a BBA recruiter here at Westminster College. I have really enjoyed my time here. My coworkers have been amazing, and I appreciate their patience as they have worked with me.
This position was a contract position with the posibility of a full-time position becoming available. Last night I got "the phone call." My manager called me up to tell me that the full-time position had been offered to and accepted by another candidate. When I got the phone call I was working for my dad at his new rental property. I told him the history of the position, and the situation that I am now in. He asked if I wanted to go home, because getting bad news isn't easy to take. I said no, there is still work to be done here. Last night before I told Jennifer, as I was holding Gabe putting him to sleep I couldn't hold the emotion in any more. I cried like a child. In my minds eye I was fallen to my knees crying at our Father's hem because I don't know what to do now. After I composed myself again I went to tell Jennifer, and then she lost it too.
We had put so much hope into getting this position, and now that it was given to another, now what.
I usually get a little misty eyed when I leave one job for another, but this one has been different. This is the first real job that I have had since I earned my degree. (No offence Wayne, washing windows is a great job, just not my long term one. And I must thank you for your patience, and your willingness to work with me.) Since I earned my degree I have wanted to give back to the BBA team, to become a part of their team. This was that position, and now it is over. It is a sad day for me. In the past I have been leaving one job for something better for me and my family. But in this case, I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to. I have stepped outside the light, and all I see is darkness. When I look at the listed of jobs posted, I see that I fill the education requirement, but I don't have the experience. I am competing for jobs against people with an MBA and 10+ years of experience. I feel that this is a trial that has been designed to force me to my knees. I am learning humility right now, and I think that I am headed into a time of working really hard trying to work. But so much of my emotion comes from knowing that my dear wife will have to continue to sacrifice being a mother for being the bread winner. I am sorry Jennifer, I wish I could do more for you and the boys. (I can't type anymore, the tears are blurring my vision, and I really don't want someone to see me like this, all puffy eyed and snot nosed man.)
I pray for faith and for strength. I pray for a miracle. I pray to give thanks for all that I do have, and all that gifts that I have been given. I think it is time for an hour long prayer again. Now more than ever I pray to give thanks to my in-laws who watch my little boys every day and take care of them. I pray to give thanks for my parents who have been so generous. Thank you all. And most of all I thank God for Jennifer. She is my perfect wife. I love you.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Creating Opportunities

Tonight I felt that I had a small victory. Let me give some back ground just so you can understand where we were when this began. Gabe and I were down stairs watching Kung Fu Panda (I was on the floor and Gabe was on the couch) and Jennifer was upstairs putting Isaiah to sleep. Jennifer came down after putting Isaiah in his bed and sat down next to Gabe. Gabe asked for some apple juice. This is where the opportunity was created.
Light back story: Because Jennifer works full time and has had less time than I have had with our boys, especially Gabe, she is always looking for ways to spend time with just him. It is a tender topic and so tonight was especially nice for me to have played a hand in.
Back to the story: I went up stairs, got Gabe his apple juice and then wondered what I was going to do. Though I love Kung Fu Panda, I just wasn't into it tonight; I was falling asleep on the floor. So after I delivered the juice I went into the laundry room and gathered all the clean clothes, two loads worth and headed upstairs. As I passed Jennifer and Gabe I said "enjoy your Mommy Gabe date." She gave me a big smile. As I headed up the stairs I turned and asked if I could make some popcorn for them. She again smiled and said yes. I went into the kitchen put the popcorn in the microwave, then dumped the first load of clothes on our bed to be folded. I put the popcorn in two bowls and then delivered them downstairs. Gabe was snuggled in tight against Mommy and they were sharing a blanket, it was a tender sight. I went back up stairs, turned on a show on Hulu and folded clothes. About 40 minutes later I heard Gabe calling for me because the movie was over. I asked him if he had had fun watching a movie with Mommy, and he said yes. Mommy wrapped her arms around Gabe and said that she had fun watching a movie with him too.
To many that read this, this little story may seem to simple to be excited over. In our little family, this was a great opportunity, and I felt like I was doing what a husband and father is supposed to do: I was working so that my wife could spend time bonding with her little boy. I was creating the opportunity for my little boy to spend time with his Mommy. I don't know if I can explain my sense of accomplishment in this; but I am glad that I was able to make it happen.

Thought Dump

How many often do you have some many thoughts going through your head, that you don't know how to pick just one to stop and consider? An...