Humbled

Today is my last day as a BBA recruiter here at Westminster College. I have really enjoyed my time here. My coworkers have been amazing, and I appreciate their patience as they have worked with me.
This position was a contract position with the posibility of a full-time position becoming available. Last night I got "the phone call." My manager called me up to tell me that the full-time position had been offered to and accepted by another candidate. When I got the phone call I was working for my dad at his new rental property. I told him the history of the position, and the situation that I am now in. He asked if I wanted to go home, because getting bad news isn't easy to take. I said no, there is still work to be done here. Last night before I told Jennifer, as I was holding Gabe putting him to sleep I couldn't hold the emotion in any more. I cried like a child. In my minds eye I was fallen to my knees crying at our Father's hem because I don't know what to do now. After I composed myself again I went to tell Jennifer, and then she lost it too.
We had put so much hope into getting this position, and now that it was given to another, now what.
I usually get a little misty eyed when I leave one job for another, but this one has been different. This is the first real job that I have had since I earned my degree. (No offence Wayne, washing windows is a great job, just not my long term one. And I must thank you for your patience, and your willingness to work with me.) Since I earned my degree I have wanted to give back to the BBA team, to become a part of their team. This was that position, and now it is over. It is a sad day for me. In the past I have been leaving one job for something better for me and my family. But in this case, I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to. I have stepped outside the light, and all I see is darkness. When I look at the listed of jobs posted, I see that I fill the education requirement, but I don't have the experience. I am competing for jobs against people with an MBA and 10+ years of experience. I feel that this is a trial that has been designed to force me to my knees. I am learning humility right now, and I think that I am headed into a time of working really hard trying to work. But so much of my emotion comes from knowing that my dear wife will have to continue to sacrifice being a mother for being the bread winner. I am sorry Jennifer, I wish I could do more for you and the boys. (I can't type anymore, the tears are blurring my vision, and I really don't want someone to see me like this, all puffy eyed and snot nosed man.)
I pray for faith and for strength. I pray for a miracle. I pray to give thanks for all that I do have, and all that gifts that I have been given. I think it is time for an hour long prayer again. Now more than ever I pray to give thanks to my in-laws who watch my little boys every day and take care of them. I pray to give thanks for my parents who have been so generous. Thank you all. And most of all I thank God for Jennifer. She is my perfect wife. I love you.

Now we wait.

I had an interview today at Westminster. I wish I could say that I knew how it went, but I have never know how well my interviews appear in the eyes of those on the other side of the table. I mean I felt confident in my answers. I made eye contact with the four members of the panel. I didn't feel nervous or ashamed as I have in the past when I took time to think about the question I was asked and how to best answer it. I was nervous, but those butterflies keep me on my toes. I would like to say that I'm excited to call my manager tomorrow and follow up, I also need to take Thank You notes to the interviewers, thanking them for their time and their dedication to finding the right person for the job; weather that is me or not. As I walked up the stairs to my office I thought "Now it's time to sit back and watch the hand of the Lord perform a miracle." I don't know if that miracle is going to be me being offered this job or not, but I have to trust that I have been doing all that I need to be doing. I have been working hard, I have been praying, I have been trying to stay close to the Spirit; now it is time to have faith in the Lord's love for me and my family. I will let you know how it turns out. Just remind me to not let months pass before I follow up!