Time for an adventure? Yes please.

Have you ever thought to yourself: our children are young, and their lives are not really intertwined in the neighborhood yet, so let's take our selves out of our comfort zone and have an adventure. Pause before you take the first step of that adventure. Consider all the random and unforeseeable possibilities of this idea. Someone in your family could be bitten by a Brown Recluse spider, another may be bitten by a tick and contract Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, your apartment may have a mold problem that may or may not lead to multiple cases of pneumonia. You may also have to have your appendix removed while on your adventure. You may even add another mouth to feed, and though she may be a beautiful daughter, she isn't a good sleeper, and a fussy and demanding little princess.
Not that all of these things are bad, but they are somethings to consider. And it is true that some of them could still happen in your comfort zone, they make the adventure seem more like an adventure.

Now that you have reflected on things that you may not have considered, don't forget about the other side of the coin. Your children will become better friends, and develop regard (one step away from love) for one another. They will make new friends that come from many different backgrounds and parts of the world. You will have spiritual and doctrinal conversations with a complete stranger, and you will each walk away happy that you had the conversation, and strengthened in your faith. Not because you had to dig your heals in and defend your faith, but because the conversation was based upon the common understanding that God is our Father in heaven, and He loves all of his children.
Your children may also have new experiences in chasing and catching fireflies, and box turtles. They will be able to see a larger variety of birds, including owls, cardinals, storks, herons, and vultures tearing a part armadillo roadkill. They will also be able to go fishing and catch catfish, blue gill, sun fish, and large mouth bass.

There are a lot of things to consider, in addition to the financial, and living space, and other "grownup" "first world problems" that will come into the equation. But make sure that no matter what the decision is for that adventure, that you keep looking for one, and you are ready to start once the right one presents itself.

In conclusion I must add that the most important element to your adventure is your spouse. She / He will be your biggest support, and your most valuable foundational factor in your success on this adventure. Make sure that you say, often, that you are grateful for their support, and are amazed by the weight they are carrying. Don't worry, it won't be fake, it will be an honest and sincere.

Humbled

Today is my last day as a BBA recruiter here at Westminster College. I have really enjoyed my time here. My coworkers have been amazing, and I appreciate their patience as they have worked with me.
This position was a contract position with the posibility of a full-time position becoming available. Last night I got "the phone call." My manager called me up to tell me that the full-time position had been offered to and accepted by another candidate. When I got the phone call I was working for my dad at his new rental property. I told him the history of the position, and the situation that I am now in. He asked if I wanted to go home, because getting bad news isn't easy to take. I said no, there is still work to be done here. Last night before I told Jennifer, as I was holding Gabe putting him to sleep I couldn't hold the emotion in any more. I cried like a child. In my minds eye I was fallen to my knees crying at our Father's hem because I don't know what to do now. After I composed myself again I went to tell Jennifer, and then she lost it too.
We had put so much hope into getting this position, and now that it was given to another, now what.
I usually get a little misty eyed when I leave one job for another, but this one has been different. This is the first real job that I have had since I earned my degree. (No offence Wayne, washing windows is a great job, just not my long term one. And I must thank you for your patience, and your willingness to work with me.) Since I earned my degree I have wanted to give back to the BBA team, to become a part of their team. This was that position, and now it is over. It is a sad day for me. In the past I have been leaving one job for something better for me and my family. But in this case, I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to. I have stepped outside the light, and all I see is darkness. When I look at the listed of jobs posted, I see that I fill the education requirement, but I don't have the experience. I am competing for jobs against people with an MBA and 10+ years of experience. I feel that this is a trial that has been designed to force me to my knees. I am learning humility right now, and I think that I am headed into a time of working really hard trying to work. But so much of my emotion comes from knowing that my dear wife will have to continue to sacrifice being a mother for being the bread winner. I am sorry Jennifer, I wish I could do more for you and the boys. (I can't type anymore, the tears are blurring my vision, and I really don't want someone to see me like this, all puffy eyed and snot nosed man.)
I pray for faith and for strength. I pray for a miracle. I pray to give thanks for all that I do have, and all that gifts that I have been given. I think it is time for an hour long prayer again. Now more than ever I pray to give thanks to my in-laws who watch my little boys every day and take care of them. I pray to give thanks for my parents who have been so generous. Thank you all. And most of all I thank God for Jennifer. She is my perfect wife. I love you.

Sandpaper vs. dinomite

I have been trying to think of something big and powerful to write about. I have had little things here and there, and they have been powerful and very helpful during the hard days. Like the hymn How Firm A Foundation popping into my head and the words: "for I am thy God and will still give thee aid..." repeating over and over in my mind. Like watching Isaiah start to crawl, and then watch him crawl over to me because he is happy to see me!
I have been able to watch Gabe impress his grandparents and cousins with his manners and his attention to detail.
I have been able to work with a friend washing windows. This not only has helped my family, but his as well (I hope), as they are preparing for the birth of their first child! I have been able to work with some old friends, move again. They have relied on me for months now, and they have taken care of me in return. I have been taught and led by the Spirit, in moments when I both did and didn't recognize that I was being led. I have been able to bear testimony to family and friends. I have seen my wife grow tremendously through our days of trial. I have felt the sweet, sweet peace of the Spirit return after I have repented; and feel the love from a perfect Father in Heaven wrap around me welcoming me back.

There are probably many more little things that I am looking over that have helped build me, and strengthen my foundation on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the restoration of that gospel. As I have written this entry I have been reminded that big things don't happen very often. It is by small things to great things come to pass. And that the Lord helps us grow by building us line upon line; just a little at a time. Though I wish I had some fantastic story, some life altering and mega motivational experience to share, I am proud and grateful for these little experiences that have helped fine tune, and shape me easily into who I am today. I know that I still have a lot of edges that need to be rounded off, but I also know that because of the atonement of Jesus Christ I will be able to make it through those times as well. I am also eternally indebted to my wife. She loves me more than I will ever understand. Her love must be a perfect love, because I know who she is giving her love to. I am far from an easy person to live with, especially when I'm tired and being a jerk (I love you sweetheart :)). She works so hard every day, and she sacrifices so much! I am struck by her dedication to all she is responsible for, especially for her children! If I make it back to our Father's door, it will have been because of her! Thank you Jennifer for all you do! Even as I type this you are cleaning the kitchen: emptying the dishwasher and then filling it again, and I know how tired you are. Thank you! I love you more! more than I can say with words. You are my "big and powerful" that I am writing about!

...the foe's at the door of your homes...

Have you ever felt that you are being attacked by the foe? The feeling that there is a little shoulder devil jumping up and down trying to get you to do something that you believe is not a righteous thing to do. his voice is not one that is still or small, but annoying and persistent! That is how I am feeling today. There is a shoulder devil jumping on my head and trying to keep me from being productive, and from being worthy of the Spirit of God. And I have to make a decision because I now have a choice. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind that the rest of the day will be easier if I will just give into the temptations, and then repent. That way the devil jumping on my head will sit back and relax because he did his job. I wouldn't be as happy, or as productive, but I wouldn't be fighting any more. But then I remember that the father of all lies works harder when something big is about to happen. I remember that there is a way stop the fighting and still keep the Spirit! I remember that my boys need me to continue to fight. When I think I can win this fight, that I am an active member in the fight for my worthiness, and my happiness, I fight with more determination and fervor! And when I grab hold of that attitude, almost in that very moment the dancing devil is thrown off his post and I have the upper hand in the fight. On my mission I found a hymn that has helped me fight the daily fight. #248 Up, Awake, Ye Defenders of Zion. Each verse builds on the one before, and it is empowering and uplifting! I would recommend it to all during those times of battle.

Tender Mercies

This morning I woke up no earlier than usual, around 6 AM with Gabriel climbing into our bed. Depending on the day he will sometimes fall asleep again in our bed between Jennifer and I. But he is not a gentle sleeper, he moves a lot, kicks, drools, you know, normal little boy stuff. Well I can sleep through that, I force myself to; but Jennifer can't. Once Gabe climbs in the bed she is awake. And on a Saturday morning that is just torture. It is her morning to sleep in. She works hard all week, and deserves a few extra hours of sleep when she can get them.

So I carried Gabe, very much awake back to his room, put him in his bed, and went and filled his sipply cup with apple juice. He drank it, and than went back to sleep, and I went back to sleep on the floor next to his bed.


An hour later when Gabe woke up again and wanted to play, I was in no mood to play. I wanted to sleep in too. But like he is determined. He pulled the quilt off of me and then tried to lift me up by gently (he is usually very gentle with this part) lift my head to get me up. I didn't want to play with the playdoe, I didn't want to play cars, I wanted him to quietly color, or watch Saturday morning cartoons, or anything that would let me fall back asleep. Not the case. Daddy this and daddy that; I just sat in the living room and slowly acted upon his requests.


As the sun slowly rose in the sky, I became more and more cantankerous. I just wanted quiet, simple quiet. (You'd think by now I should know that a want of quiet with a two year old boy, and a five month old boy is a wish). It being Saturday morning we had ordered a basket from a food co-op., Bountiful Baskets, and my father-in-law was meeting us there, so there was additional pressure because we couldn't be late like usual. Well I scrambled to get myself and Gabe dressed to go pick up our basket. The pick up spot in on 33rd South, in the parking lot of the new fire station.

This is where my morning changed:

Most Saturday mornings the fire trucks are out of the garage somewhere, or the garage doors are closed. But this morning, the truck was in the garage, and the door was half way up. I told Gabe that we would go see the fire truck as soon as we had bagged our basket. As we approached the garage door, a fireman opened the garage door all the way and invited us in. Gabe didn't really know what to think. He had only seen the fire trucks screaming up the street, never this close. And then I felt the love that our Father in Heaven has for Gabriel, and me as his daddy. The fireman invited Gabe to sit in the drivers seat. Gabe was scared, and didn't want to be alone up there. I said its just like mommy's car. His eyes opened wide as he grabbed the steering wheel! He was on cloud nine. The only thing that would have made it better was if the sirens were screaming!


All morning, I had selfishly denied Gabriel my attention, therefore my love. His Father in Heaven showed me that his beautiful bright smile is worth far more than my quiet time. As we got in our car and headed to get hashbrowns at Burger King (it's becoming a tradition for Gabe and I) I said a silent prayer of thanks to my Father in Heaven for letting my witness another of His tender mercies (see vs 12). - Thank you Father, for teaching me, and for helping me see Gabe's smile this morning! - Gabe just woke up from his nap, so I need to now go and try to practise what I have been taught this morning, that attention to the little details makes all the difference.

It's hard to see his smile in this picture, but it was as big as it gets!

Feeling Low

The other day I did something that I try not to do very often. I prayed for humility. My prayer was answered. I felt low and that I understood that I cannot accomplish all that I need to alone. I need divine help.
As I was waiting for the bus I was listening to a conference talk by Bishop R. C. Edgley entiled "This Is Your Phone Call". It has to do with unemployment, which is the catogory that I fit into right now. It is a talk that I have listened to several times over, and have been moved by it, but not as much as I was while waiting for the bus this day. Near the end of his talk he references the comand of President Young to go and save those on the plains who were caught in the weather. I have felt like those pioneers.
In story upon story, the pioneers testify that angles assisted in pulling handcarts, and staying alive. I have not seen angles, but I have seen their influence. In helping me fill out another job application with a smile; helping my sons be patient when their mother has to go to work in the mornings; in being able to meet our financial obligations when there is no logical way that we could have. Now I feel that there is an army of Saints on its way to help me and my family finish our travel through this storm. I don't know who they all are, or their motivation, but my spirit is lifted in hope and excitement. I am also encouraged by the words that Bishop Edgley used in this begining of his talk: "The economic clouds that have long threatened the world are not fully upon us."
When I was serving in St. Louis Missouri I remember watching storm clouds quickly move across the sky, faster than they do here in Salt Lake, because there are no mountains to slow them down. They were dark, and had a powerful wind that led the charge. Powerful enough to knock over trees. And then the rains came. In a ten minute walk back to our apartment my companion and I were soaking wet to the bone. And then, then the miricle happened. The storm kept moving, it didn't stay. The dark storm clouds continue to move across the sky, and the sun warmed our faces.
Like the rain storm, I believe that these economic clouds will pass and I will feel the warmth of the sun on my face. I believe this because I know that the Son knows my name, and that he hears my prayers, my wifes prayers, my two year old son's prayers!
And without the rain from the clouds, our fruits and flowers couldn't grow. As frightening as a terrible storm may be, the long term effects usually spark new growth and life. I am grateful for my Father in Heaven who is taking care of me and my family!

If you have some time, I would encourage you to watch Bishop Edgley's talk.

Dr. Jeckel / Mr. Hyde

Why is parenting so hard? Why are the highs greater than anything else, and the lows are brutal? I know they are just children, and mostly great children at that; but in those moments of almost losing it and throwing them like I did the cat I really have to breath and understand their motivation for their behavior. Usually it is to get my attention, to feel loved and wanted. The selfless nature of being a parent is the exact opposite of what "the natural man" wants. Oh the genius of our Father in Heaven. There is no other way that I would learn to be selfless. Sure service is a way to get there, but it is easy to mix motivations with doing service. The only way for me to learn this eternal lesson of being selfless is by helping raise two boys (with more to come). I imagine that you understand that this post was sparked by something that happened this morning. Nothing really out of the ordinary, but the topic has been burning in my mind for, oh, two years now; and I'm sure I will visit the topic again. I am grateful for this blog that helps me take time to organize these thoughts, and calm down a ton. And I must also thank my wife for her patient and tender heart while I take a moment.

Direction

I have been thinking about this post for several days now, and I feel that I need to write it before the motivation leaves completely. But I must warn you that it is late and I am tired, so I hope that this makes sense, and my thoughts come across as I want them to.

While I was on my mission I was at lunch with a old hunting buddy, John K., he told me and my companion about a concept that I thought would never apply to me. Well, as you can guess, I am learning and experiencing that concept right now; and I will share it with you.

The above image is of a ball at rest. It has no direction, no power, no motion. This is a difficult position for a person to be in. It takes a lot of effort to remain motionless.

This second image of a ball rolling down the hill, this makes sense, it is a natural and known reaction that we expect. But what keeps the ball rolling? I know that there is a Newton law that would explain it, something like an object in motion will remain in motion until acted upon to stop it, again, something like that. My view, is that the ball continues to "coast" because it is going down hill. It may find some flat spot, and in that case the ball will slow and eventually stop, but as long as the ball in on a declining slope, it will continue to travel on course.

And what happens when a ball is placed on a hill, and expected to go up it? Well, we have learned by experience, and I am sure that Newton is in there somewhere too, that the ball will go up the hill until it has lost all of its momentum, inertia, and power. When that happens, the ball will for a split second stop, and then begin to roll back down to where it came from. Unless the ball is again given additional power, inertia, and momentum, in that case it will continue on its path up the hill.

Now you are asking yourself why would RT be thinking about these simple ideas of physics, and why would a hunting buddy be teaching about them at an all you can eat buffet in St. Louis? Well replace the ball with a person, with yourself. Now, instead of being on a simple hill, imagine that the slope has to do with your personal growth, experience, and direction in relation to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

How often are we in a stationary place? How often do we find ourselves not going any direction, up or down? I would dare say that it happens several times in our lives, I know that it has happened in my life more times than I dare think about. But I am finding that in my life, if I am not moving forward, I am falling back; if I am not going up, I am going down; I am "coasting".

I have been thinking about this topic for several days because I have been noticing that I am not going up. There are several different red flags that have been raised recently that have helped me recognize my direction. But I will admit, that the hardest part about changing my direction is the understanding that I am going to have to put forth the effort to stop, and then to start again going up hill. It is not easy for anyone, especially if one if feeling like they just need to rest from the hard work of going up hill all day every day. But when true reflection is allowed, the number of positive rewards for working daily at going up hill eclipse the tiny reward of going down hill, which is perceived rest.

Now I know that to think that I, or anyone, that must make that transition of down to up and continued up, can and must do it alone, and by one's own power is crazy and a lie. It is impossible. It is hard enough for me to travel forward on a level plane for any significant distance that to imagine that I could go up hill makes me want to not even try, other than for bragging rights (which would be short lived and insignificant). There is a force that continually helps each of us go up hill. A force that is strong enough that no matter how fast we are going down hill, we will be able to stop immediately, and change direction. This force has no limit on its consistent and over whelming power. It has no regard for the persons age, gender, race, political stand point, hair color, how many hairs they have, or if they like vanilla ice cream the most. The only requirement it has is our will, our desire. If we don't want to change direction, it won't force us; if we don't mind and or enjoy going down hill, it can't convince someone that going up is better. We have to want it, even if that is all the power we have is to want it, this force can and will, and does assist us in that very moment.
This power is the atonement of Jesus Christ. There is nothing that compares to, rivals, or even can explain the awesome power, and eternal love of the atonement.
Why have I been thinking about this topic? Because I have experienced it, again, recently.

When I started this post, I was prepared to write only about the illustrations of a ball/person traveling on different planes. But as you have read, more than that came out, and I hope that it made sense, and was well connected.
We all have times that we travel down hill, it is both human, and expected. Also expected is the desire to change direction and head back up hill. It is hard, tiring, painful, and sometimes confusing, but we can continue if we rely on and use the endless loving force of the atonement of Jesus Christ.
I am sorry if this sounds preachy, or warm and fuzzy, but like I said, I needed to write it and see it.